Final tallies.

This fountain in Vientiane, Laos looks cheesy and fake in this picture, but it is real and actually nice.

A final picture with Fiona, Emma, and Katie, girls from England and Ireland I traveled with for a few weeks. In spite of their endless haranguing of my American accent and word choice, I believe in their heart of hearts they don't despise me that much. Vientiane, Laos.

Thank God for the Chinese herbs -- I can't handle stewed ox genitals served plain. Bangkok, Thailand.

Atop Phou Si Mountain with Brian and Ashley, two wholesome yanks from Milwaukee who are moving to San Francisco this spring for reunification.

Shot of the riverbank street in Luang Prabang, Laos in the afternoon sun.

Prepping to tube, Vang Vieng, Laos.

Mud volleyball in a bar along the tubing river, Vang Vieng, Laos.

Zenith of my rope swing, Vang Vieng, Laos.

My trip is coming to an end, and though I'll be traveling for a bit longer, this is my last post. A quick recap of the last week and then some final thoughts:

After Silichit we moved to Thatsaphone Guesthouse, and that day climbed Phou Si Mountain. Not sure what the deal is with the puns in Luang Prabang, but I approve wholeheartedly. A climb up Phou Si Mountain (more of a hill, really) brought 360 degree views of Luang Prabang. After we walked around the town along the river past French-shuttered inns, rice cakes drying on racks in the sun, monks playing in front of wats, and other serene delights. LP stole my heart and then I was off to Vang Vieng, a concrete tourist dump with every restaurant playing the show "Friends" ad nauseum. I refrained from barfing and did what everyone does in Vang Vieng: tubing. Tubing is going down a river in an inner tube, stopping at bars along the river to drink, jumping off rope swings, and playing mud volleyball. Pretty ridiculous, but sorta fun. Then I went to Vientiane, the capital and largest city in Laos at a mere 200,000 people. But charming with good food and a happy feel to it.

That brings us up to speed. Now to tie up a few loose ends.

*A rad story I forgot to tell: On Cat Ba island in Halong Bay, Vietnam I saw 2 Vietnamese dudes arguing. 1 guy started to walk away and then he pulled off his shirt AND pants so he was down to his boxers, then pulled a metal pole out of a cement pylon and started waiving it around at everyone and yelling as a crowd gathered around. Just the idea of stripping down to your knickers for a fight is baffling and brilliant.


*Items lost, broken, or given away (mostly lost or broken): 3 pairs of sunglasses, 2 belts, 2 pairs of sandals, 2 neck pillows, 1 ATM card, 1 notebook.

*What I'm looking forward to about coming home: burritos; being understood; not converting from baht/riel/dong/kip to dollars; fixed prices; not worrying about getting scammed (for the most part); not living out of a backpack and grubby hotel rooms; buses made for people my size; friends and fam; flushing toilet paper down the toilet instead of putting it in the poo bin; trash cans on the street; knowing where I'm going and where I'll be sleeping.

*What I'll miss most about Southeast Asia: bum guns (water hose beside toilet used instead of wiping); all the friends I made and already miss terribly; dirt cheap food; best food on planet food; "Sawadee Ka(p)" (hello in Thai) followed by a smile, hands together, and slight bow; being able to use any store's toilet without being a customer; being fickle; not knowing where I'm going or how long I'll stay; making my mind up on the spot; being spontaneous and relaxed; laughing and acting stupid.

*Epiphany #1 about traveling: there are 2 types -- 1) short, planned travel, and 2) extended, free-wheeling travel. Before this trip I'd only experienced #1, but #2 is so much better. #1 traveling is a place to go, #2 traveling is a state of mind. And you can only get there once you get over that 2-3 week "vacation" period of traveling we're accustomed to.

*Epiphany #2 about traveling: guidebooks, websites, and other published travel advice is WORTHLESS. You don't know what you'll like until you get there. Go there, talk to people, find out what people like, find out what you like, and decide what to do.

*Epiphany #3 about traveling: it is a personal experience, so don't listen to anything I say. Do it your own way.

Enough soapboxing. If anyone has any questions about Southeast Asia I'll be happy to give my humble opinion. And now for my least humble, and final, opinion:

VISIT SOUTHEAST ASIA

Much love,
Adam

Silly shit...

Jumping off of a waterfall, Luang Prabang, Laos.

Hilarious British guy named Rupert and I in front of a big and gorgeous cascading waterfall, Luang Prabang, Laos.

Fast party on the slow boat down the Mekong River, Laos.

Tree pose wearing my white meditation clothes, Chiang Mai, Thailand.

With friends at a mountain temple overlooking Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Sunset after trekking, at a mountain village near Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Some worms we ate. Yep.

The kids who climbed on our backs.

A baby elephant standing next to full-grown child.

Khao Soi/Heaven.

is the name of my hotel in Luang Prabang, Laos (technically spelled "Silichit"). Laos is why I came to Southeast Asia. Laos is what I imagine the rest of Southeast Asia was like in the 70s before tourism hit full bloom, and is why people now come in droves to Thailand, Vietnam, etc. Laos is perfect, and I think I'm seeing it at a perfect time -- probably a 5-year window after the basic tourist amenities have been established but before tourism has made Laos, well, touristy. If you travel anywhere in the next 5 years, go to Laos.

Luang Prabang is the second biggest city in Laos, but it is really a tiny and charming oasis of a town with cafe-lined streets, delicious food, and friendly locals who smile, wave, and go about their daily lives, which, from the outside, appear unreasonably happy. A 10-minute drive from town and you're in the jungle with a farm here, a hut or two there, little kids playing with chickens by the side of the road who waive to you as you pass them by. Today we took a ride out to some beautiful cascading waterfalls and emerald pools we played in and jumped off trees and waterfalls into. Looking out the back of the truck on the 30-minute ride back into town was serene and pure. Incandescent green as far as the eye could see.

Last night I arrived after taking a 2-day slow boat down the Mekong River from the Thai-Laos border. The boat was uncomfortable, but the mixture of fun-loving travelers, tall Lao beers, and stunning views of the green hills/jungle and Lao fishermen made me forget about my aching body. I was/am traveling with a group of people I met on a 3-day trek through the mountains near Chiang Mai, Thailand. Led by our guide, "Johnny Walker" (his self-appointed nickname), we rode elephants across rivers with their ears flapping against our legs, hiked many hours through the jungle (including 2 hours straight up a mountain, 1 hour of it in pouring rain), stayed at a mountain village where little kids climbed our backs and we ate toasted worms (seriously -- tasted fine, like salty chips) and played songs on guitar by the campfire, , visited and swam near waterfalls, and topped it off with some white water rafting.

After we got back to Chiang Mai, we went to an awesome bar packed with Thais dancing on the tables (I joined, shirtless) with a Thai reggae band playing til the wee hours. I ate Khao Soi constantly -- it is a Chiang Mai specialty, a curry with noodles, and unbelievable. Look for it next time you eat at a Northern Thai restaurant. The next day I saw a pretty temple on a mountain overlooking the city and decided on a whim to join a few friends for a 3-day meditation retreat taught by Buddhist monks. I'd never really meditated before, so I thought I'd give it a shot. We bought white linen clothes to wear during the retreat and they brought us out to the meditation center, a peaceful and clean place 30 minutes outside Chiang Mai. The monks were calm yet cheerful, and led us through chanting and several different types of meditation (walking, sitting, lying, hand movements), and told us not to talk to each other. I never knew sitting on a cushion on a floor could be so excruciating, or that I'd have such a tough time quieting my mind. After one evening and morning of meditation I decided I wasn't ready to meditate for so long, so I left early. Baby steps for Bob. Plus, we had to say a chant before every meal saying food is to be eaten only to remove the pains of hunger from the body, not for pleasure, and I couldn't be so ascetic and remain faithful to my blog or my foodaphilia.

So I fled. And now I'm here, and can't imagine leaving.

Empty Nest.

Impromptu street party with the locals, Saigon, Vietnam.

First bowl of pho and spring rolls, Saigon, Vietnam.

Bare chests of me and Branko in front of the setting sun, Halong Bay, Vietnam.

Beers. Scenery. Kickassedness.

Sitting on plastic stools outside Bia Hoi, a place with 20 cent beers, Hanoi, Vietnam.

Obligatory tourist shot, Hanoi, Vietnam. A true natural.

Rambutan on the beach, Nha Trang, Vietnam.

Slightly rock star photo with Leonie at a restaurant run by former street kids, Hanoi, Vietnam.

Drunken karaoke on Cat Ba Island with the Halong Bay folks.

Another Halong Bay sunset.

That's me up there, top of a climb near Halong Bay, Vietnam.

Halong Bay crew, in totum.

12 days and umpteen insane occurrences since my last post. Can't do it justice. Here's a recap:

1. Tazer Time: yeah so Ron and I hoped his mad dash to the ER would be the last of our troubles, but we were wrong, wrong, wrong. Our first night in Saigon (or Ho Chi Minh City) we checked into the Giant Dragon Hotel, discovered some bugs, asked the staff to spray, and left for dinner. After some delicious spring rolls and pho we came back, but the bugs still danced on our bedspreads. We went downstairs, told them we were leaving, and asked for our passports back. They refused, saying we owed them $ (for?). Argument and frustration ensued. Fed up, Ron raised his voice and put his finger down on the counter, at which point the hotel manager pulled out a tazer (to welcome us to Vietnam?) and shut the metal gates, locking us into the hotel. We called the police. When they didn't arrive, I ventured out to the police station, which, at 1:30 a.m., consisted of 4 or 5 guys in plastic chairs sleeping in front of a TV playing Vietnamese Karaoke. An interpreter brought me to a back room where a man in his underwear was washing a table. After I explained what happened, he told me to sleep at the hotel and he'd deal with it in the morning. When I insisted he said he wasn't on duty, I'd have to wait for someone else to arrive. A few minutes later, a sleepy man shuffled down to the hotel, heard our stories and told us to pay $10. We refused. He said, "Pay $5." We agreed.

2. Nuthin' But a Ho Chi Mama: in spite of the tazer incident and frequent and aggressive advances by ladyboy prostitutes on motorbikes, we loved loved loved Saigon. The food was fantastic: spring roll smorgasborg, banh mi (vietnamese sandwiches) fresh from a bakery, bun (vermicelli salad), bun bo hue, and of course pho (beef noodle soup). The people were super friendly, even more so than Thailand, the self-proclaimed "Land of Smiles." We bought some clothes from a cool boutique with brands from local designers, and the proprieters invited us for tea and cakes in celebration of the end of summer. We visited the War Remnants Museum, learned about the horrors of the Vietnam War, which I found myself surprisingly ignorant of in spite of my exposure to critical perspectives back home. One statistic: 3 million Vietnamese killed, 2 million of which were civilians. We crawled hands and knees in the dark with bats through the Cu Chi Tunnels, an extensive underground maze built for tiny people during the Vietnam War, and only shit my pants twice. Then we shot machine guns, which was weird.

3. Nha Nha Nha: 2 days in Nha Trang, a beach party spot. After seeing the glories of Southern Thailand, I wasn't too impressed, but the beach was relaxing enough, and a daylong booze cruise around the area complete with live band karaoke put sloppy smiles on our faces. Ron and I actually asked the Vietnamese guys playing the guitar and drums if we could take over for a song, so we did, busting out a ramshackle version of Pavement's "Cut Your Hair."

4. Best 3 days of my life: Seriously. Shortly after arriving in Hanoi we booked a 3-day excursion to Halong Bay, easily one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Countless limestone cliff islands are scattered throughout the glass-water bay, making for picture-perfect scenery in an incredibly calm setting. The first 1.5 days we stayed on a boat with about 14 people drinking beer from afternoon through the night, jumping off the top of the 3-story boat into the water, kayaking, eating, listening to music, and laughing a lot. The 2nd day we went rock climbing up limestone cliffs right on the beach. We'd never done outdoor climbing before and found it challenging and exhilarating, with stunning views at the top. That night we drank excessively at a Karaoke bar on Cat Ba Island, which led to some violent wrestling back at the hotel (read: bottom of dogpile = sore ribs). All in all just a magnificent time, but my description doesn't do it justice because the sum was so much greater than all the parts. It was probably the people. We had a truly unique group of people on our excursion -- everyone was from different places but we got along so well, like old friends after only a few hours (and some Slovakian moonshine, thanks to one awesome Slovakian guy named Branko who brought a 2-liter bottle courtesy of his grandfather). Some of the people I will remain lifelong friends with. We also got extremely lucky with the weather, a gift because it's the rainy season. Whatever it was, I've never been so happy in my entire life. I realized this on the bus ride back from Halong Bay, and tears streamed down my face for several minutes.

5. Hanoi Oy Oy: then Ron left to go home, and I miss him dearly. The folks on the Halong Bay trip took quite a liking to Ron Til Dawn and fancied he'd be something of a celebrity in England. I spent the last two days bouncing around Hanoi with a lovely German girl named Leonie from the Halong Bay trip. Much like Saigon, Hanoi is bursting with culinary delight. 2 weeks in Vietnam has made me a believer: Vietnamese food is the best cuisine on Earth, IMHO.

6. Back to the Present: Today I flew to Chiang Mai, Thailand where I'll do some trekking and make my way over to Laos. I've been through so much in the past few days I can't see straight, but hopefully I'll be ready for my next adventure in the morning. Traveling is becoming so much more than the places I see and the people I meet. This state of mind is intoxicating. I'm not coming home.