Final tallies.

This fountain in Vientiane, Laos looks cheesy and fake in this picture, but it is real and actually nice.

A final picture with Fiona, Emma, and Katie, girls from England and Ireland I traveled with for a few weeks. In spite of their endless haranguing of my American accent and word choice, I believe in their heart of hearts they don't despise me that much. Vientiane, Laos.

Thank God for the Chinese herbs -- I can't handle stewed ox genitals served plain. Bangkok, Thailand.

Atop Phou Si Mountain with Brian and Ashley, two wholesome yanks from Milwaukee who are moving to San Francisco this spring for reunification.

Shot of the riverbank street in Luang Prabang, Laos in the afternoon sun.

Prepping to tube, Vang Vieng, Laos.

Mud volleyball in a bar along the tubing river, Vang Vieng, Laos.

Zenith of my rope swing, Vang Vieng, Laos.

My trip is coming to an end, and though I'll be traveling for a bit longer, this is my last post. A quick recap of the last week and then some final thoughts:

After Silichit we moved to Thatsaphone Guesthouse, and that day climbed Phou Si Mountain. Not sure what the deal is with the puns in Luang Prabang, but I approve wholeheartedly. A climb up Phou Si Mountain (more of a hill, really) brought 360 degree views of Luang Prabang. After we walked around the town along the river past French-shuttered inns, rice cakes drying on racks in the sun, monks playing in front of wats, and other serene delights. LP stole my heart and then I was off to Vang Vieng, a concrete tourist dump with every restaurant playing the show "Friends" ad nauseum. I refrained from barfing and did what everyone does in Vang Vieng: tubing. Tubing is going down a river in an inner tube, stopping at bars along the river to drink, jumping off rope swings, and playing mud volleyball. Pretty ridiculous, but sorta fun. Then I went to Vientiane, the capital and largest city in Laos at a mere 200,000 people. But charming with good food and a happy feel to it.

That brings us up to speed. Now to tie up a few loose ends.

*A rad story I forgot to tell: On Cat Ba island in Halong Bay, Vietnam I saw 2 Vietnamese dudes arguing. 1 guy started to walk away and then he pulled off his shirt AND pants so he was down to his boxers, then pulled a metal pole out of a cement pylon and started waiving it around at everyone and yelling as a crowd gathered around. Just the idea of stripping down to your knickers for a fight is baffling and brilliant.


*Items lost, broken, or given away (mostly lost or broken): 3 pairs of sunglasses, 2 belts, 2 pairs of sandals, 2 neck pillows, 1 ATM card, 1 notebook.

*What I'm looking forward to about coming home: burritos; being understood; not converting from baht/riel/dong/kip to dollars; fixed prices; not worrying about getting scammed (for the most part); not living out of a backpack and grubby hotel rooms; buses made for people my size; friends and fam; flushing toilet paper down the toilet instead of putting it in the poo bin; trash cans on the street; knowing where I'm going and where I'll be sleeping.

*What I'll miss most about Southeast Asia: bum guns (water hose beside toilet used instead of wiping); all the friends I made and already miss terribly; dirt cheap food; best food on planet food; "Sawadee Ka(p)" (hello in Thai) followed by a smile, hands together, and slight bow; being able to use any store's toilet without being a customer; being fickle; not knowing where I'm going or how long I'll stay; making my mind up on the spot; being spontaneous and relaxed; laughing and acting stupid.

*Epiphany #1 about traveling: there are 2 types -- 1) short, planned travel, and 2) extended, free-wheeling travel. Before this trip I'd only experienced #1, but #2 is so much better. #1 traveling is a place to go, #2 traveling is a state of mind. And you can only get there once you get over that 2-3 week "vacation" period of traveling we're accustomed to.

*Epiphany #2 about traveling: guidebooks, websites, and other published travel advice is WORTHLESS. You don't know what you'll like until you get there. Go there, talk to people, find out what people like, find out what you like, and decide what to do.

*Epiphany #3 about traveling: it is a personal experience, so don't listen to anything I say. Do it your own way.

Enough soapboxing. If anyone has any questions about Southeast Asia I'll be happy to give my humble opinion. And now for my least humble, and final, opinion:

VISIT SOUTHEAST ASIA

Much love,
Adam

Silly shit...

Jumping off of a waterfall, Luang Prabang, Laos.

Hilarious British guy named Rupert and I in front of a big and gorgeous cascading waterfall, Luang Prabang, Laos.

Fast party on the slow boat down the Mekong River, Laos.

Tree pose wearing my white meditation clothes, Chiang Mai, Thailand.

With friends at a mountain temple overlooking Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Sunset after trekking, at a mountain village near Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Some worms we ate. Yep.

The kids who climbed on our backs.

A baby elephant standing next to full-grown child.

Khao Soi/Heaven.

is the name of my hotel in Luang Prabang, Laos (technically spelled "Silichit"). Laos is why I came to Southeast Asia. Laos is what I imagine the rest of Southeast Asia was like in the 70s before tourism hit full bloom, and is why people now come in droves to Thailand, Vietnam, etc. Laos is perfect, and I think I'm seeing it at a perfect time -- probably a 5-year window after the basic tourist amenities have been established but before tourism has made Laos, well, touristy. If you travel anywhere in the next 5 years, go to Laos.

Luang Prabang is the second biggest city in Laos, but it is really a tiny and charming oasis of a town with cafe-lined streets, delicious food, and friendly locals who smile, wave, and go about their daily lives, which, from the outside, appear unreasonably happy. A 10-minute drive from town and you're in the jungle with a farm here, a hut or two there, little kids playing with chickens by the side of the road who waive to you as you pass them by. Today we took a ride out to some beautiful cascading waterfalls and emerald pools we played in and jumped off trees and waterfalls into. Looking out the back of the truck on the 30-minute ride back into town was serene and pure. Incandescent green as far as the eye could see.

Last night I arrived after taking a 2-day slow boat down the Mekong River from the Thai-Laos border. The boat was uncomfortable, but the mixture of fun-loving travelers, tall Lao beers, and stunning views of the green hills/jungle and Lao fishermen made me forget about my aching body. I was/am traveling with a group of people I met on a 3-day trek through the mountains near Chiang Mai, Thailand. Led by our guide, "Johnny Walker" (his self-appointed nickname), we rode elephants across rivers with their ears flapping against our legs, hiked many hours through the jungle (including 2 hours straight up a mountain, 1 hour of it in pouring rain), stayed at a mountain village where little kids climbed our backs and we ate toasted worms (seriously -- tasted fine, like salty chips) and played songs on guitar by the campfire, , visited and swam near waterfalls, and topped it off with some white water rafting.

After we got back to Chiang Mai, we went to an awesome bar packed with Thais dancing on the tables (I joined, shirtless) with a Thai reggae band playing til the wee hours. I ate Khao Soi constantly -- it is a Chiang Mai specialty, a curry with noodles, and unbelievable. Look for it next time you eat at a Northern Thai restaurant. The next day I saw a pretty temple on a mountain overlooking the city and decided on a whim to join a few friends for a 3-day meditation retreat taught by Buddhist monks. I'd never really meditated before, so I thought I'd give it a shot. We bought white linen clothes to wear during the retreat and they brought us out to the meditation center, a peaceful and clean place 30 minutes outside Chiang Mai. The monks were calm yet cheerful, and led us through chanting and several different types of meditation (walking, sitting, lying, hand movements), and told us not to talk to each other. I never knew sitting on a cushion on a floor could be so excruciating, or that I'd have such a tough time quieting my mind. After one evening and morning of meditation I decided I wasn't ready to meditate for so long, so I left early. Baby steps for Bob. Plus, we had to say a chant before every meal saying food is to be eaten only to remove the pains of hunger from the body, not for pleasure, and I couldn't be so ascetic and remain faithful to my blog or my foodaphilia.

So I fled. And now I'm here, and can't imagine leaving.

Empty Nest.

Impromptu street party with the locals, Saigon, Vietnam.

First bowl of pho and spring rolls, Saigon, Vietnam.

Bare chests of me and Branko in front of the setting sun, Halong Bay, Vietnam.

Beers. Scenery. Kickassedness.

Sitting on plastic stools outside Bia Hoi, a place with 20 cent beers, Hanoi, Vietnam.

Obligatory tourist shot, Hanoi, Vietnam. A true natural.

Rambutan on the beach, Nha Trang, Vietnam.

Slightly rock star photo with Leonie at a restaurant run by former street kids, Hanoi, Vietnam.

Drunken karaoke on Cat Ba Island with the Halong Bay folks.

Another Halong Bay sunset.

That's me up there, top of a climb near Halong Bay, Vietnam.

Halong Bay crew, in totum.

12 days and umpteen insane occurrences since my last post. Can't do it justice. Here's a recap:

1. Tazer Time: yeah so Ron and I hoped his mad dash to the ER would be the last of our troubles, but we were wrong, wrong, wrong. Our first night in Saigon (or Ho Chi Minh City) we checked into the Giant Dragon Hotel, discovered some bugs, asked the staff to spray, and left for dinner. After some delicious spring rolls and pho we came back, but the bugs still danced on our bedspreads. We went downstairs, told them we were leaving, and asked for our passports back. They refused, saying we owed them $ (for?). Argument and frustration ensued. Fed up, Ron raised his voice and put his finger down on the counter, at which point the hotel manager pulled out a tazer (to welcome us to Vietnam?) and shut the metal gates, locking us into the hotel. We called the police. When they didn't arrive, I ventured out to the police station, which, at 1:30 a.m., consisted of 4 or 5 guys in plastic chairs sleeping in front of a TV playing Vietnamese Karaoke. An interpreter brought me to a back room where a man in his underwear was washing a table. After I explained what happened, he told me to sleep at the hotel and he'd deal with it in the morning. When I insisted he said he wasn't on duty, I'd have to wait for someone else to arrive. A few minutes later, a sleepy man shuffled down to the hotel, heard our stories and told us to pay $10. We refused. He said, "Pay $5." We agreed.

2. Nuthin' But a Ho Chi Mama: in spite of the tazer incident and frequent and aggressive advances by ladyboy prostitutes on motorbikes, we loved loved loved Saigon. The food was fantastic: spring roll smorgasborg, banh mi (vietnamese sandwiches) fresh from a bakery, bun (vermicelli salad), bun bo hue, and of course pho (beef noodle soup). The people were super friendly, even more so than Thailand, the self-proclaimed "Land of Smiles." We bought some clothes from a cool boutique with brands from local designers, and the proprieters invited us for tea and cakes in celebration of the end of summer. We visited the War Remnants Museum, learned about the horrors of the Vietnam War, which I found myself surprisingly ignorant of in spite of my exposure to critical perspectives back home. One statistic: 3 million Vietnamese killed, 2 million of which were civilians. We crawled hands and knees in the dark with bats through the Cu Chi Tunnels, an extensive underground maze built for tiny people during the Vietnam War, and only shit my pants twice. Then we shot machine guns, which was weird.

3. Nha Nha Nha: 2 days in Nha Trang, a beach party spot. After seeing the glories of Southern Thailand, I wasn't too impressed, but the beach was relaxing enough, and a daylong booze cruise around the area complete with live band karaoke put sloppy smiles on our faces. Ron and I actually asked the Vietnamese guys playing the guitar and drums if we could take over for a song, so we did, busting out a ramshackle version of Pavement's "Cut Your Hair."

4. Best 3 days of my life: Seriously. Shortly after arriving in Hanoi we booked a 3-day excursion to Halong Bay, easily one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Countless limestone cliff islands are scattered throughout the glass-water bay, making for picture-perfect scenery in an incredibly calm setting. The first 1.5 days we stayed on a boat with about 14 people drinking beer from afternoon through the night, jumping off the top of the 3-story boat into the water, kayaking, eating, listening to music, and laughing a lot. The 2nd day we went rock climbing up limestone cliffs right on the beach. We'd never done outdoor climbing before and found it challenging and exhilarating, with stunning views at the top. That night we drank excessively at a Karaoke bar on Cat Ba Island, which led to some violent wrestling back at the hotel (read: bottom of dogpile = sore ribs). All in all just a magnificent time, but my description doesn't do it justice because the sum was so much greater than all the parts. It was probably the people. We had a truly unique group of people on our excursion -- everyone was from different places but we got along so well, like old friends after only a few hours (and some Slovakian moonshine, thanks to one awesome Slovakian guy named Branko who brought a 2-liter bottle courtesy of his grandfather). Some of the people I will remain lifelong friends with. We also got extremely lucky with the weather, a gift because it's the rainy season. Whatever it was, I've never been so happy in my entire life. I realized this on the bus ride back from Halong Bay, and tears streamed down my face for several minutes.

5. Hanoi Oy Oy: then Ron left to go home, and I miss him dearly. The folks on the Halong Bay trip took quite a liking to Ron Til Dawn and fancied he'd be something of a celebrity in England. I spent the last two days bouncing around Hanoi with a lovely German girl named Leonie from the Halong Bay trip. Much like Saigon, Hanoi is bursting with culinary delight. 2 weeks in Vietnam has made me a believer: Vietnamese food is the best cuisine on Earth, IMHO.

6. Back to the Present: Today I flew to Chiang Mai, Thailand where I'll do some trekking and make my way over to Laos. I've been through so much in the past few days I can't see straight, but hopefully I'll be ready for my next adventure in the morning. Traveling is becoming so much more than the places I see and the people I meet. This state of mind is intoxicating. I'm not coming home.

Snake tales.

Sleeping while wearing a surgical mask to block the smell while bussing through Cambodia (thanks Ron).

Celebrating Ron's arrival with new tattoos and a couple of brews, sitting on stools on Khaosan Road, Bangkok.

Trying on pants in Chattuchuk market, Bangkok. The stores are so small they give you a large dress-like garment to change under (sorta the Bangkok version of the towel change). 2 thumbs way up.

Ringside photograph of Muay Thai kickboxing at Lumphini Stadium, Bangkok.

Serious wat-tage. In front of the Grand Palace, Bangkok.

My best meal in Thailand, eaten in a food court in the mall. Not sure what it was, just pointed to something and they started filling my bowl with deliciousness, including a ladelful from a vat of boiling beef fat.

On the train back from Ayuthaya, north of Bangkok, with some American girls I biked around the temples with.

Angkor What? is the name of a bar in Siem Reap where we drank. Angkor Wat is the temple (pictured above), Cambodia.

Some Cambodian boys singing for money near Angkor Wat, Cambodia.

Hanging on to some roots at a temple near Angkor Wat. Part of Lara Croft: Tombraider was filmed here, and it still smelled like Angelina Jolie.

Perched atop a temple near Angkor Wat, Cambodia.

More wattage.

Ron sipping a manly Raspberry-Lime daquiri in Friends restaurant, Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Ron getting a proper foot washing, pre-massage in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Deliciousness (clockwise from top-left): Khmer grilled pork sandwich with papaya salad; tropical mixed fruit freeze; potato fish cakes with red pepper sauce; garlic and honey meatballs; Fish Laksa.

Thumbs up from the hospital bed, Siem Reap, Cambodia. Luckily all is well now.

First (and last) bite of snake, Siem Reap, Cambodia. The facial expression says it all.

Ron arrives. Adam rejoices and shaves (he likes my skin soft like baby's arse). Mayhem ensues.

Let me back up. We marked Ron's arrival by taking in Bangkok's sights in one deep breath: Grand Palace, Wat Pho (reclining Buddha), Lumphini Muay Thai kickboxing fights, Chattuchuk weekend market, Khaosan Road, and of course Thai massages and drinking on stools in the street.

Funny thing about Ron, sometimes his heart's too big for his own good. Much of Southeast Asian tourism requires navigating through a sea of pleading children asking for money and selling useless trinkets. To my endless amusement, Ron just melts at the sight of these kids. We'll be walking somewhere and I'll turn around to see him surrounded by a crowd of 5 or 6 little ones, Ron's distraught face expressing his understanding that he doesn't want to buy a dozen Angkor Wat refrigerator magnets but can't leave these guys hanging. Eventually he caves. He always does. Even when he bought basically the same items from the last group of kids. But that's Ron. You gotta love the guy. So that's how we ended up drinking in the streets on stools wearing bejewelled hats, donning tribal tattoos, stuffing trinkets in our bags (well, Ron's bag), and thumb wrestling 8-year old girls and losing, BADLY -- seriously, this girl had mad thumb wrestling skills, though I'm sure the drinking didn't help us.

From Bangkok we bussed and taxied our way into Siem Reap, Cambodia, which is near Angkor Wat. We arrived without getting scammed, apparently a miracle according to the guidebook. Cambodia is an interesting and smelly place, with of course some tasty treats to please the palette. Amok Fish soup was exponentially yummy. Our second night in Cambodia we decided to go for some Cambodian BBQ, which included not 1 but 2 reptiles: crocodile and snake. I usually keep my reptile consumption to 1 per meal but made an exception, for vacation's sake. The crocodile was surprisingly good, and I'd eat it again. The snake was unsurprisingly snakey: rubbery and tough, and I swear it started to coil around my tongue...

A night of drinking and 16 hours later Ron was instructing me how to perform CPR on him in case he lost consciousness. We were in a tuk tuk frantically rushing him to the hospital after a bad bacteria-related scare. Thankfully Ron is partially alive. No, he's totally fine now. Phew. Lesson learned: 1 reptile/meal.

We got to see Angkor Wat, which was quite splendid, as well as a bunch of other really cool temples with the giant roots of trees growing all over them. Now we're in Phnom Penh, getting 4-hand massages (2 girls, 1 person), seeing the torture museum and killing fields (horrific and depressing -- 2 million ppl hacked to death -- but important to see), and eating multiple times at Friends restaurant (thanks Mike Spiegler for the rec), run by a program that takes kids off the streets and teaches them to cook and work in the hospitality industry. Today we visited ChildSafe where we learned not to give money to children on the street (here's why: http://www.childsafe-international.org/TFResidents.asp) and made donations to help get them off the street. Tomorrow we get on a boat down the Mekong to Vietnam.

No more snakes.

Bad boy in Bangkok

On a boat taxi in Bangkok with a German girl.

I made this cafe clerk take a picture with me because his name is Oil (look closely on his nametag). Just complete awesomeness.

Doing the pee-pee dance in front of a bathroom with a pee-pee dance bathroom sign in MBK mall, Bangkok.

In Maya Bay ("The Beach"), near Phi Phi island, Thailand.

Same as above. Breathtaking. And the beach is nice, too.

Dancing the crazy with an Irish and British friend on Phi Phi Island.

A picture with the sweet-as-pie proprietor of my beach bungalow. She is wearing my thrift store glasses which I gave to her as a parting present.

In front of a Temple in Bangkok. Even though it looks like it, I am not actually holding my nuts (see pee-pee dance pic above for that).

Alright, a few words about my time since Phi Phi Island. Phi Phi is incredibly touristy and party-oriented, so I didn't think I'd like it upon revival. However, I met a lot of really friendly people who I partied with and found myself having a lot of fun. I took another snorkeling trip to the surrounding areas, and saw more gorgeous beaches. At night I drank copious amounts of beer and was forced to drink from "buckets" -- literally buckets filled with red bull, alcohol, and soda with straws -- making me drunk and crazy. Then I danced around on tables with a big group of British guys screaming the words to crappy mid-90s hits the likes of the Counting Crows and Rage Against the Machine. All in all it was a hilariously good time.

Next I pushed over to Ko Tao, an island near Ko Samui specializing in good diving. I didn't dive, but snorkeled one day, which was pretty spectacular. Saw a huge school of barracudas dart past, luckily they didn't go for the nads. I hung out with some Swiss guys most of the time. We just lazed around on a beachfront bar/restaurant drinking fruit shakes and dipping when we felt like it. My last night there we went out pretty hard, until around 6 am. I passed out while brushing my teeth, waking up a few minutes before my boat left to the sound of the bathroom faucet running and dried toothpaste all over myself. I will be running for political office shortly.

Now I'm in Bangkok helping with the Revolution. It's not too clear exactly what's going on here, but here's what I know: there have been protests, the government declared a state of emergency, one person has been killed and 40 injured, schools are cancelled for a few days, and the food in Bangkok is incredibly tasty. That sounds a lot worse than it actually is here. Bangkokers (Bangkokians? Bangkokites? Cocks?) are going about their business as usual, things are running, the protests are really only in one area and are not violent for the most part. I feel totally safe, so don't worry. I'm staying near Khoasan road, which is a cross between a drunken backpacker orgy and Tijuana. Being hounded here is a right of passage. A Tuk-tuk driver called me "Bad Boy" and then told me to "Fuck off" because I didn't want to take his tuk-tuk. But most people are nice. I took a river bus with the locals, ate amazing and cheap street food, and bought a nice pair of Diesel knock-off jeans. Bangkok is nuts, but its the kind of nuts I like. "Beautiful chaos" as someone described it.

My friend Ron arrives Saturday, when the real fun starts. More soon.

Adam