Moshi moshi, bitches! I have arrived in Japan.

I arrived in Japan jetlagged and delirious but running on enough fumes to stumble into my hostel around 7 pm or so last night. I sat in the lounge for a while chumming it up with the other backpacking chums and ventured out around the neighborhood (Asakusa) with an inquisitive Canadian named Adash, who peppered me with questions about the Israel-Palestine conflict while I slurped the best bowl of ramen noodles ever to touch these lips...topped with succulent roast pork and fresh leeks, the ramen noodles were chewy and soaked in a pork-flavored broth that made me tear with joy. All the food I`ve had so far has been equally fresh and orgasmic. Like my breakfast this morning, a Korean bi bim bap dish with an egg whose yolk was bright orange and ran over the meat an assorted ingredients with oozing creaminess. And the countless snacks I snatch up throughout the day, too intrigued to resist, like mochi filled with red bean paste dusted with peanut powder. Ok, enough about the food.

Japan is unlike any place I`ve been. Amazing how so many people can bustle about so soundless and efficient. Gigantic cities can be stressful, but not Tokyo, since most places are mobbed yet somehow still peaceful. Even the drunks and homeless seem to keep to themselves in their own orderly way. I`m sure I`m seeing this all through my tourist eyes, but that`s how it is playing out a day in. Mostly I just walked around some of the shopping districts today with my mouth agape at how beautiful (and expensive) the clothing is. You could pick an outfit from a store at random and you`d be the hottest number on the block back in the states. Almost takes the fun and challenge out of dressing smartly, but the Japanese seem to have no shortage of inventive ways to throw clothes together. There are no fashion boundaries here, and everything seems to work.

On the downside, it is difficult to get by here when you don`t speak more than 3 words of Japanese, like your trusty narrator here. I guess I just figured I could get by, and I am, but it`s a real struggle since 9 out of 10 people dont speak a single word of English, most of the signs are in Japanese, Tokyo is a megalopolis, and everything is hard to find. So I just kinda wander around, get lost, sit down in random noodle shops with the businessmen on their way to work and point to something and happily slurp away. Oh yeah, and it`s hotter than a habanero chile out here, and stickier than a handle of Aunt Jemima. I traipse around sweating through my ugly travel gear like a disgusting slob while the locals miraculously forge through the heat in tight jeans, boots, and long-sleeved shirts as if it were nothing.

Oh one more thing. I dont understand the toilets here. One toilet is like a miniature urinal in the ground, hard to explain, but I dont know what youre supposed to do with it (lay next to it and pee sideways) In the hostel they have these toilets with a panel of electronic controls beside it. Last time I sat down I decided to push the button with a picture of an ass being sprayed by water, hoping for a nice bidet experience. While a regular bidet you can turn off when youre good and clean, with in electronic bidet youre kinda at the mercy of the bidet until the machine decides that youre clean enough. So I basically had to sit there for about 5 minutes as the water turned from refreshingly warm to ice cold, wondering if the bidet would ever actually shut off or if I would have to run out of there and hide with my pants around my ankles while the hostel staff attended the the water shooting out of the toilet cieling-high. It was an amusing yet traumatizing experience. Next time I`m wiping.